Sunday, June 10, 2012


Ok. So I haven't written for a couple of weeks, and here's the thing. It's late. I just worked one of the most annoying shifts since being hired last fall (people can be so difficult), and for the past approx. hour, maybe (probably) longer, I've had the incredible misfortune of overhearing the drunken therapy session happening outside my bedroom window. But me being me, thankfully my half-asleep brain decided to make the best of the situation by reminding me at least my life doesn't suck as bad as the people's outside my window. And as far as this post goes, I may as well write since I'm surely not getting any sleep.

Here are the situations.

1. The Damaged Girl.
You know her. The girl with daddy issues and the bad stepmom, the one who sleeps around and talks about it loudly in public rather shamelessly, the one who is way too young to be at this party and throwing her life away by dropping out of school. She's lost her drive. She talks a lot, seeks pity, but acts tough. And I probably feel worst for her of all the people she's around right now. Why? Because I know what she could have. I have it. Not to sound snoody or anything, I just chalk it up to making halfway decent life choices and realizing I have baggage, but choosing to actually face it and deal with it and forgive myself and others for it rather than repress it with sex, drugs, and alcohol only to have it rear its ugly head at the least opportune moment. I have to admit that I've been blessed. My family is in tact, which is a miracle in and of itself these days, and despite what my parents say, we don't struggle financially. I haven't made it through life without my own battle wounds though. I deal with abandonment issues as a result of being adopted, I've had heartbreak, I've felt like a failure and I've been told I'm not good enough. But here's the thing: I'm not giving up. I'm still fighting to prove that I can follow my dreams, that I am worth it. I'm not giving in to normality. I want to live to be abnormal. Extraordinary. There are millions of people being average everyday, and it scares the crap out of me to be one of them. Despite the hardships I have seen and will face, I won't be the damaged girl. I won't give up.

2. The Weepy Drunk
"After my boyfriend broke up with me, for like 15 minutes this butterfly landed on my arm and just stayed there and I knew that it was my grandpa telling me I could get through this." Ok. Listen. I understand you're inebriated, but sweetie, death doesn't work that way. And right now, I'm just thankful that I am in right enough mind to understand that. And please, stop yelling. It's 2am. I have to be awake in 6 hours. Young America, your walls are too thin. (This was really more of a rant than a revelation, sorry.)

3. The F-Bomb Dropper
In case you were wondering, sir, this is not Nagasaki. Quit dropping bombs. Right here in this situation I am thankful for a diverse vocabulary. In the case of this rather profane sir outside my window, I would enjoy indulging in other loquacious terms to contrive the perfect word picture. Yeah, take that, f-bomb dropper. You probably needed to Google a few of those words. And you're welcome. Now you have something slightly more elaborate for your next adventure in sentence formation.

Ok, so that first point was all nice and fluffy and wonderful and motivating. Sorry those last two were mainly rants about how annoying it is to live with a window right next to the steps at this apartment. If you live here and you're reading this, it's not you (well, at least I don't think it was...). I like you guys, I really do. But seriously, keep it classy. Or at least let's try for one step up next time. Maybe not so much weed right outside my window. My room reeks. Yeah, that'd be nice.

Alright, till next time (and I'll try to not let it go so long in between my next posts) (seriously this time),